What Am I doing with my Life?

Lately i’ve been sinking. Sinking into debt, sinking into my bed, sinking into isolation, and cutting off social interaction. I have no plans for my life other than spend countless hours in my addictions. I am so weak. I am barely holding on. The only thing that has kept me alive is the love of those who I only seem to disappoint. I haven’t been trying my best, but only because i’ve lost all confidence in myself. It seems like all the areas of my life reflect a complete reject of society. I live with so much anxiety, feeling like everyone can see all of my weaknesses. Trying to communicate and make new friends seems almost impossible. I am an alien who can’t seem to get a grip on his life. Am I the only one screaming out for help. My thoughts keep me from believing in changing. It seems like my sins have finally caught up to me and the time has come to pay for them. But then I can’t forget that Christ has already paid these things off for me. So I can at least be guaranteed that I can live today without having to feel shame for my past sins. Because I believe in a God that took on that debt for himself, paid it off, and set me free from it all. This gives me hope for a better future. I can get up and live out my life knowing that I am saved by my Lord and saviour.